A legendary reel love story.  

A little bit of Happyness.

A little bit of happyness.

I still don't know if I'm in love with you.

But you will never need to know. And I don't think you understand just how much you mean to me.

I'm beyond grateful for all the things you have done for me. The encouragements, the time and affection you showered me every time when I fall down, defeated. I never needed to try too hard and you constantly remind me that its the journey, not the results that truly matter.

The times you made me laugh and kisses you plant when I don't expect it. The touch of your unbelievably soft hands when you hold mine. And the quiet embrace you gave, when I broke down TWICE, assured me that everything was going to be alright in the end.

I'm a fighter now, not because you give me wrestling lessons that always end up in giggles. But you managed to strengthen my spirit with your personal stories and internal strength.

Your soft lips and incredible green eyes. Your stoic aloof demeanor is, but a facade that hides a very sweet warm nurturing person.

You are so incredibly beautiful, inside and out. I feel so beautiful when I'm in front of you, because you could care less of my flaws. That is something that I never really had before.

The last two broke my heart into smithereens, but you picked it up and gave me enough joy to make up for it. The pain faded so much that I barely remember now. Instead, I now have the sweetest and funny memories of us to get by.

I apologize for running away the last time, it wasn't because I wanted to leave you. But that I needed to end it so I will not feel the same kind of heartbreak as before. Before I fall in any deeper.

I promise that I will always be there for you, to stand by you in this lifetime no matter what happens. Please, remember that.

I'm really afraid to hope for more, but in the meantime, this is enough for me. Your friendship. I'm really blessed that you entered into my life. The Ned Flanders to your Homer Simpson.

I can't make you love me. But even so, thank you.

As we move on, perhaps inevitably apart from each other, I hope I'll never forget you. 


And I hope, you don't too.

Here I am back, without another trigger event to spark my barrage of melancholic rants, surprisingly.

So, I finally put my mental foot down and managed to take care of some annoying matters of the heart....and came out a champ and feeling better. Initially, precursor to my post below I had qualms of letting him go. But yesterday, after a rather unexpected (and rather oblivious, I might add) revelation, that I was able to really let the weight of the situation settle in. Sure, I was rather emo yet again for strike 3, but they did say that three times a charm :)

I look back in hindsight; and remember sheepishly the things I've been through the last few months. Broke away from a 5 year familiarity, dived into a sweet but reckless infatuation that wasn't meant to be, and without catching breath, plummet even further into a tentative state of calm that came with a lot of uncertainty.

When did I become so brave, I wonder? Here's a girl who try to hold on to the last straws of hope even when she knew that it wasn't going to work out. Who tried to change and mold to the way what THEY had in mind. But I was not the least bit happy, nor did I feel secure about the future.

Fast forward to the present, I'm contented in the way things are now. this morning when I woke up... I felt great. And now that I no longer have any guys holding me back, I'm set to bedazzle the world and even more excited on planning on the many many things I've been meaning to do but have not yet.

But I guess thats how we learn?

I don't want short term. Nor mediocre. Nor uncertainty.

I want a no frills love that will last <3

And I'm willing to wait for it, this time :)

UH-oh.

I utter the above sentiments for 2 reasons:

Firstly that I am still not doing my school blog assignment instead I find myself here procrastinating as always. Nothing new...

Secondly, its Valentine's Day tommorrow. I think its simply a day, commercialized on the excuse of romance and love, so that flower shops, confectionery stores, etc, can make a quick buck outta it. I cringe now as I think of how many couples will infest the streets; the girl looking triumphantly with her bouquet of blossoms though an eye will keep a look out for a potential one that may outshine her. The boy rescinds and becomes a docile and rather secondary character in this equation.

BUT still, as much as the above sounds suspiciously like the rant of a jealousy-ran-amok female, I assure you I am not. Instead, it makes me reminisce even more about what I had the last few years, the maybes if I had lasted with 'him'(up to one's interpretation), the future Valentines ahead...as well as the reality of me being alone for this current point in my life. This ambiguous feeling is peppered so very slightly with enviousness. Just very very slightly.

I am not disheartened... just not quite used to the feeling I guess? :)

Valentine's Day, day that commemorates love and romance, is also ironically the death anniversary of Saint Valentine, a priest who had secretly married couples when Emperor Claudius had outlawed marriages due to the need for more militia power. When Valentine was found out, he was swiftly put to death by beheading, hence not to forget his valiant deed, they dubbed 14th Feb as "Valentine's Day".



It also brings to mind the rebirth of a much loved bag that women around the world can agree to: The iconic Chanel 2.55, on Feburary 1955.

Gabrielle Coco Chanel knew she had created a timeless legend when she came up with the stylish option to free up women's hands so that they won't tire from having to hold it all the time. Technically, the first of it was sold in the 1920s, and has since undergone some sartorical facelifts.



And of course, who can forget the delish hero in Final Fantasy...none other than Vincent Valentine. Sporting his signature red cloak(<3) and his brooding eyes and haunted past, he is the kinda guy you want to smother with affection and tell him its gonna be alright.

Until of course, he whips out his trusty tri-barreled gun and shoves it in your face and tells you in a deceptively calm voice to not cramp his style.


Valentine's Day is not just about Eros (romantic love), but about love for friends and family. I feel blessed to be loved by so many friends and a mother who despite our severe spats and vehement disagreements...still shows the unwavering love and devotion to my well being. Its evident in her waking up early just to make breakfast so I don't go to work on an empty stomach, or her constant nagging about just everything, belies the perennial worry for her daughter's life.

Her slight wrinkles tell the story of a woman who stood strong against hardship to raise her two little girls, her slight hunched gait speaks of the burden of life that she carried in silence all these years and yet continued to forge forward. Yet, she still is as beautiful as I remember her.

Thank you Mom, I love you so very much even though I don't say it often. Thank you for being my pillar of strength and role model. I am nothing without you.

So happy Valentine's Day to all, and don't forget to tell your dear ones just how much they mean to you.

And not just today, but everyday of the year~

Adventures of a comic duo on thin ice.

Haven't skated for over 10 years, hence pardon the penguin-like waddling.

Was quite fun, I was surprised I actually remembered how to after a while. Can't wait to do it again!

xoxo

It is tiring to always volley back and forth what could be and what already is in front of you. So after a heavy session of brawling my eyes out, I finally came to the decision of just letting him go and keeping the happy memories instead. Am too exhausted from being under all the mirco-analysis all the time, being on edge when all I want to do is kiss you senseless, and smile again like we used to in the beginning.

Yet somehow along the yellow brick road, the journey became less joyous, and from it I ceased to be less amazing and beautiful in your hazel eyes.

All I did was just tried to love you as much as I could during what little time we have left.

But I guess to really love some one…. is to simply let him go.

I want to get it right the next time.

all herald to yet another emo post of june's fast decimating love life. Come on' give this old girl a break cos she has no one else to rant to except herself.

as of late, and to no surprise....it gets colder and colder when we meet. Why I continue to persist in my romantic- masochist endeavors, is simply because he's gonna leave in less than a week. There seems to be less affection left and just simply a physical attraction which leaves a bittersweet aftertaste in my mouth. Fact still resonates in my mind that this was built on the reality that it was not meant to last, but I wish I didn't feel like its so strenuous to be with me.

Fucking smart guy he is, but a severe lack in the EQ department... and it kinda stings whenever I think how sweet and earnest he was before. Maybe thats how guys work, maybe thats how he just simply is. I wonder what has changed.
ARGH. if i pull out ant more hair Im gonna be as bald as newly initiated NS boy.

I want to promise myself, this will be the last of rushing into emotions and relationships. I will take it slow and enjoy my impending happiness with the next guy who will be worthy of my love.

fighting on with a tentative smile on my face, june. :)