Before the mayhem sets in and I lose the time to blog. 1st day of School for Politics, Journalism and Society module and I'm already committing mental seppuku. While no exams, its essay intensive and presentation intensive...thereby heralding the end of my social life. Im on a random rush of unexplainable bliss and contentment with life. Some nice chats from two friends who have not seen for some time, and its little things like this that make me happy.

AM THANKFUL FOR...

1) having a decent and healthy body, thanks to all the nutritious diets and inoculations my mother had me take since I was young.

2) I am living rather comfortably without living from hand to mouth, since my sister, mother and I are all working now. In a small but modest HDB flat, and nice helpful neighbors around. Not to mention one of the safest and more developed countries in the world.

3) I am blessed to be able to study for my double degree; while I am not as lucky as the few who have wealthy moms and dads to pay for their school fees...I feel proud and accomplished saving up for my 25K fees with my own hard work.

4) I have amazing diverse bunch of friends from all walks of life. I have been labelled as an SPG (Sarong Party Girl) or Caucasian-Lover juuuuuuuuuuuust because I dated 2 people outside my race, but pity for the narrow minded individual who passes judgements on stereotypes and cannot understand the beauty of another's culture and heritage. This neither bothers me nor fazes me, for the ignorant cannot help themselves.

5) I have very good parents who have raised me well. While they have gone their seperate ways in life, they continue to be the deciding factors in my current being.

Mom, is the most pragmatic, philanthropic and resilient person I know. Her determination to raise 2 daughters on a humble salary, while bearing the burden of caring for my stroke-ridden Grandfather amongst other grinds of daily life...leaves me to be both proud to be blood related to her as well as intimidated when I wonder if I could be as good a mother to my children in the future.

6) I am almost close to finishing my degree, (fingers crossed) hopefully with no turbulence nor shit-excuses of lousy lecturers. I relish the experience of being a student again, somewhat. Classes have been both a boon and a bane (especially when deadlines draw near), and has allowed me to know many amazing people who I now call buddies. Grind of daily life is much tolerable

7) God's gift to me: tenacity. Whenever I feel down and out, and when it seems like there is no way out of a hopeless situation...HE really comes through and provides.

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I guess to come to terms with the fact that nothing in life may truly be yours forever, helps to put alot of things in perspective. Accepting loneliness, and giving up the fight to get into a relationship to beat the bio clock or to temporarily fill the void in feelings... was something that took me years to understand.

Its coming to two months since the total break off from S, 9 months since K and 1 year since J. I feel it deep in me, that the reluctance to let go of the past rosy memories, is slowly waning. My memories beginning to become hazy around the edges and my heart feels lighter every time I allow myself to forget a small piece. Its not giving up, its letting go. I am a believer of serendipity, and that everything happens for a reason...like the butterfly effect.

However, I would like to say that I am fully over it but I'm afraid its still some way till we reach that point. Still, I am contented at the way things are, truly. The world is a vast offering of many beautiful, exciting and interesting things just waiting to be discovered. I can't wait to do everything, and I can't wait to be in love once more.

The men I loved, and who loved me for that period of time...thank you for setting me free because you knew you could not love me the way I needed you to; and that you want to give that deserving man the chance to cherish me the way that I should be.

A legendary reel love story.  

A little bit of Happyness.

A little bit of happyness.

I still don't know if I'm in love with you.

But you will never need to know. And I don't think you understand just how much you mean to me.

I'm beyond grateful for all the things you have done for me. The encouragements, the time and affection you showered me every time when I fall down, defeated. I never needed to try too hard and you constantly remind me that its the journey, not the results that truly matter.

The times you made me laugh and kisses you plant when I don't expect it. The touch of your unbelievably soft hands when you hold mine. And the quiet embrace you gave, when I broke down TWICE, assured me that everything was going to be alright in the end.

I'm a fighter now, not because you give me wrestling lessons that always end up in giggles. But you managed to strengthen my spirit with your personal stories and internal strength.

Your soft lips and incredible green eyes. Your stoic aloof demeanor is, but a facade that hides a very sweet warm nurturing person.

You are so incredibly beautiful, inside and out. I feel so beautiful when I'm in front of you, because you could care less of my flaws. That is something that I never really had before.

The last two broke my heart into smithereens, but you picked it up and gave me enough joy to make up for it. The pain faded so much that I barely remember now. Instead, I now have the sweetest and funny memories of us to get by.

I apologize for running away the last time, it wasn't because I wanted to leave you. But that I needed to end it so I will not feel the same kind of heartbreak as before. Before I fall in any deeper.

I promise that I will always be there for you, to stand by you in this lifetime no matter what happens. Please, remember that.

I'm really afraid to hope for more, but in the meantime, this is enough for me. Your friendship. I'm really blessed that you entered into my life. The Ned Flanders to your Homer Simpson.

I can't make you love me. But even so, thank you.

As we move on, perhaps inevitably apart from each other, I hope I'll never forget you. 


And I hope, you don't too.

Here I am back, without another trigger event to spark my barrage of melancholic rants, surprisingly.

So, I finally put my mental foot down and managed to take care of some annoying matters of the heart....and came out a champ and feeling better. Initially, precursor to my post below I had qualms of letting him go. But yesterday, after a rather unexpected (and rather oblivious, I might add) revelation, that I was able to really let the weight of the situation settle in. Sure, I was rather emo yet again for strike 3, but they did say that three times a charm :)

I look back in hindsight; and remember sheepishly the things I've been through the last few months. Broke away from a 5 year familiarity, dived into a sweet but reckless infatuation that wasn't meant to be, and without catching breath, plummet even further into a tentative state of calm that came with a lot of uncertainty.

When did I become so brave, I wonder? Here's a girl who try to hold on to the last straws of hope even when she knew that it wasn't going to work out. Who tried to change and mold to the way what THEY had in mind. But I was not the least bit happy, nor did I feel secure about the future.

Fast forward to the present, I'm contented in the way things are now. this morning when I woke up... I felt great. And now that I no longer have any guys holding me back, I'm set to bedazzle the world and even more excited on planning on the many many things I've been meaning to do but have not yet.

But I guess thats how we learn?

I don't want short term. Nor mediocre. Nor uncertainty.

I want a no frills love that will last <3

And I'm willing to wait for it, this time :)

UH-oh.

I utter the above sentiments for 2 reasons:

Firstly that I am still not doing my school blog assignment instead I find myself here procrastinating as always. Nothing new...

Secondly, its Valentine's Day tommorrow. I think its simply a day, commercialized on the excuse of romance and love, so that flower shops, confectionery stores, etc, can make a quick buck outta it. I cringe now as I think of how many couples will infest the streets; the girl looking triumphantly with her bouquet of blossoms though an eye will keep a look out for a potential one that may outshine her. The boy rescinds and becomes a docile and rather secondary character in this equation.

BUT still, as much as the above sounds suspiciously like the rant of a jealousy-ran-amok female, I assure you I am not. Instead, it makes me reminisce even more about what I had the last few years, the maybes if I had lasted with 'him'(up to one's interpretation), the future Valentines ahead...as well as the reality of me being alone for this current point in my life. This ambiguous feeling is peppered so very slightly with enviousness. Just very very slightly.

I am not disheartened... just not quite used to the feeling I guess? :)

Valentine's Day, day that commemorates love and romance, is also ironically the death anniversary of Saint Valentine, a priest who had secretly married couples when Emperor Claudius had outlawed marriages due to the need for more militia power. When Valentine was found out, he was swiftly put to death by beheading, hence not to forget his valiant deed, they dubbed 14th Feb as "Valentine's Day".



It also brings to mind the rebirth of a much loved bag that women around the world can agree to: The iconic Chanel 2.55, on Feburary 1955.

Gabrielle Coco Chanel knew she had created a timeless legend when she came up with the stylish option to free up women's hands so that they won't tire from having to hold it all the time. Technically, the first of it was sold in the 1920s, and has since undergone some sartorical facelifts.



And of course, who can forget the delish hero in Final Fantasy...none other than Vincent Valentine. Sporting his signature red cloak(<3) and his brooding eyes and haunted past, he is the kinda guy you want to smother with affection and tell him its gonna be alright.

Until of course, he whips out his trusty tri-barreled gun and shoves it in your face and tells you in a deceptively calm voice to not cramp his style.


Valentine's Day is not just about Eros (romantic love), but about love for friends and family. I feel blessed to be loved by so many friends and a mother who despite our severe spats and vehement disagreements...still shows the unwavering love and devotion to my well being. Its evident in her waking up early just to make breakfast so I don't go to work on an empty stomach, or her constant nagging about just everything, belies the perennial worry for her daughter's life.

Her slight wrinkles tell the story of a woman who stood strong against hardship to raise her two little girls, her slight hunched gait speaks of the burden of life that she carried in silence all these years and yet continued to forge forward. Yet, she still is as beautiful as I remember her.

Thank you Mom, I love you so very much even though I don't say it often. Thank you for being my pillar of strength and role model. I am nothing without you.

So happy Valentine's Day to all, and don't forget to tell your dear ones just how much they mean to you.

And not just today, but everyday of the year~

Adventures of a comic duo on thin ice.

Haven't skated for over 10 years, hence pardon the penguin-like waddling.

Was quite fun, I was surprised I actually remembered how to after a while. Can't wait to do it again!

xoxo