Before the mayhem sets in and I lose the time to blog. 1st day of School for Politics, Journalism and Society module and I'm already committing mental seppuku. While no exams, its essay intensive and presentation intensive...thereby heralding the end of my social life. Im on a random rush of unexplainable bliss and contentment with life. Some nice chats from two friends who have not seen for some time, and its little things like this that make me happy.

AM THANKFUL FOR...

1) having a decent and healthy body, thanks to all the nutritious diets and inoculations my mother had me take since I was young.

2) I am living rather comfortably without living from hand to mouth, since my sister, mother and I are all working now. In a small but modest HDB flat, and nice helpful neighbors around. Not to mention one of the safest and more developed countries in the world.

3) I am blessed to be able to study for my double degree; while I am not as lucky as the few who have wealthy moms and dads to pay for their school fees...I feel proud and accomplished saving up for my 25K fees with my own hard work.

4) I have amazing diverse bunch of friends from all walks of life. I have been labelled as an SPG (Sarong Party Girl) or Caucasian-Lover juuuuuuuuuuuust because I dated 2 people outside my race, but pity for the narrow minded individual who passes judgements on stereotypes and cannot understand the beauty of another's culture and heritage. This neither bothers me nor fazes me, for the ignorant cannot help themselves.

5) I have very good parents who have raised me well. While they have gone their seperate ways in life, they continue to be the deciding factors in my current being.

Mom, is the most pragmatic, philanthropic and resilient person I know. Her determination to raise 2 daughters on a humble salary, while bearing the burden of caring for my stroke-ridden Grandfather amongst other grinds of daily life...leaves me to be both proud to be blood related to her as well as intimidated when I wonder if I could be as good a mother to my children in the future.

6) I am almost close to finishing my degree, (fingers crossed) hopefully with no turbulence nor shit-excuses of lousy lecturers. I relish the experience of being a student again, somewhat. Classes have been both a boon and a bane (especially when deadlines draw near), and has allowed me to know many amazing people who I now call buddies. Grind of daily life is much tolerable

7) God's gift to me: tenacity. Whenever I feel down and out, and when it seems like there is no way out of a hopeless situation...HE really comes through and provides.

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I guess to come to terms with the fact that nothing in life may truly be yours forever, helps to put alot of things in perspective. Accepting loneliness, and giving up the fight to get into a relationship to beat the bio clock or to temporarily fill the void in feelings... was something that took me years to understand.

Its coming to two months since the total break off from S, 9 months since K and 1 year since J. I feel it deep in me, that the reluctance to let go of the past rosy memories, is slowly waning. My memories beginning to become hazy around the edges and my heart feels lighter every time I allow myself to forget a small piece. Its not giving up, its letting go. I am a believer of serendipity, and that everything happens for a reason...like the butterfly effect.

However, I would like to say that I am fully over it but I'm afraid its still some way till we reach that point. Still, I am contented at the way things are, truly. The world is a vast offering of many beautiful, exciting and interesting things just waiting to be discovered. I can't wait to do everything, and I can't wait to be in love once more.

The men I loved, and who loved me for that period of time...thank you for setting me free because you knew you could not love me the way I needed you to; and that you want to give that deserving man the chance to cherish me the way that I should be.